Is it alright to be alone?
It is often said that humans are social creatures. We have evolved to be tribal and depend on others for survival. Yet in this modern age of individuality we are on the edge of a loneliness epidemic. Even to consider the possibility that it may be an epidemic is enough cause for concern. Western society is crumbling apart, desperately seeking some sense of commonality, a community that binds us together that we often turn to imaginary internet points as a means to find solidarity when all we find is solitude.
After being on my own for a year, being alone for the first time in my life, I find myself asking whether it is alright to alone. I, too, turn to the wisdom of the crowd in search for answers. On Reddit the subreddit /r/dating_advice recurringly advises that we must be ok with ourselves before seeking others, we must avoid attempting to fill the void like an itch longing to be satisfied. As much as I also believe in that sentiment, like my lifelong struggle with atopic eczema, it is an itch that doesn’t go away.
There are periods where I am satisfied, sufficient, or even possibly content, with my solitary life. When my friends mention their relationship conflicts I take it as a reminder of the pain that can often accompany companionship, and, while I may be glad to be free of those struggles, I’ve learned that the struggle of loneliness can be just as troubling. The waves of highs and lows are traded for a sort of monotonous hum. There used to be a sense of belonging, an all encompassing song with the power to invoke joy, comfort, hurt, and sorrow, but now the melody is broken into tiny fragments that are filled in between by static noise, a kind of numbness, moving along from day to day hoping to find another fragment.
In some ways, I hate myself for feeling like I need something more, for avoiding the empty moments, for wanting to have someone to take care of and to support me in return. Why am I unable to be that person for myself? Yet, I am also painfully aware that the solitary state is not ideal for anyone, let alone myself. We long to be connected, truly connected, to those we can unconditionally turn to simply because life is hard. There are too many uncertainties in the world to cope with without some sense of stability within our inner circles. A circle of one is no more than a one-dimensional dot. A lonely node floating within the winds of society desperately hoping to land somewhere, to feel solid ground, and find room to grow. A drop of blood that leaves the body no longer has a purpose, and so it decays.
