Member-only story
One Fish, Two Fish, I’ll Never Date a Blue Fish
Physical discrimination is everywhere in dating and it goes way beyond that
A few years ago, I ended up becoming single again for the first time in a long time. After spending most of my adult life in a dedicated relationship I was suddenly thrown into the world of dating, and it was all online. As someone who grew up with computers I figured, “Hey, maybe it’s better this way. I mean it’s pretty hard just talking to someone because they’re cute. How hard could it be?” Oof. Naive isn’t even strong enough of a word. It was pretty horrible from the get go, and, while it didn’t necessarily get better, I did learn to adjust to the game over time. But something unexpected surprised me.
As I signed up and swiped through all the apps (and I mean ALL the apps), I started to learn how to hedge my bets. As a coder and psych graduate, I had to be weary of what the business model is and how the algorithms are intended to work. Dating apps have a conflict of interest built into their core. They want people to join and use the app, but if they find you someone easily then you’ll leave the app. They want you to stay, they want you to swipe, they want you to have hope, but not necessarily success. It was clear that even though they show you any and all singles in the city, there are only a small fraction…
